Funny Top Ten Lists – A Sneak Peek Into Men’s and Women’s Rest Rooms

We're back again, with two more funny top ten lists that show exactly why men and women find it so devilishly difficult to understand each other's behavior. In order to shed some light on this problem, we're going to examine the drastically different behavior patterns of men and women in their respective rest rooms.

A trip to the men's room is the standard way for a man to prove that he's tougher than a rabid wolverine... even with his pants around his ankles. Not surprisingly, women have a decidedly different agenda.

Top 10 rules of conduct in men's rest rooms.

+ Like marital sex, speed is paramount. You get in and you get out. In this case, however, you don't fall asleep immediately afterward.
+ Even if you have a vampire stake embedded in your eyeball, you must never allow another man to catch you looking at yourself in the mirror.
+ Always bring a crayon, so that you can add a solid literary contribution to the words of wisdom on the walls. Sign it with a single X (no kisses).
+ Stand at the urinal for a long time. This creates the impression that your urine has a long way to travel.
+ While using the urinal, keep your eyes riveted on the misspelled obscenities directly in front of you... even if someone at the next urinal is having a brain seizure.
+ If you have really impressive earth-moving equipment, stand at least two feet back from the urinal; keeping both hands on your hips.
+ Always fart twice while taking a leak. This is the signal that you're straining to force urine past an enlarged prostate; a sure sign that you're an alpha male.
+ Act like you're subduing a 20-foot python when putting your package back in your pants.
+ Never flush a urinal. It's O.K. to occasionally flush a toilet, especially if you have a woman in your stall.
+ If several other men are around, go to the dispenser and buy condoms large enough to be stamped with "Danger of Child Suffocation" warnings.

Top 10 rules of behavior in women's rest rooms.

+ Women don't find it necessary to notify their next-of-kin before going to the rest room.
+ The ladies room is more of a "destination spot" than the men's room, even though you have to book a trip months in advance.
+ Women always visit in pairs, so they can guard each others' stalls from sudden attacks by marauding Huns.
+ The baby changing tables actually have babies on them.
+ Women make frequent eye contact, exchange intimate personal information, and become lifelong friends. They'd be dead meat in a men's room.
+ Women only stand up during group barfing practice.
+ You can get a paper toilet seat cover that matches your outfit.
+ Women put their ears up to the peep hole into the men's room instead of their eyes.
+ Even 250-pound women can hover several inches above the toilet seat, for up to 30-minutes.
+ If it's smaller than a bread box, women will try to flush it down a toilet.